Card Carrying Hypocrite

In the past 30 days I’ve had three separate people throw my Christianity in my face, one multiple times. What do I mean by throw it in my face? Kind of like saying you did this and this and this or you will do this and this followed up by, “And you call yourself a Christian!” All three of my accusers also identify as Christians, I think. It wasn’t those exact words or anything, but definitely along those lines. It bothers me, and I can’t fully put my finger on why, so you know me, it’s been rolling around in my noggin when I have spare time to stew about things.

This morning, on my second trip to church (I accidentally went an hour early on my first trip), I was carrying coffee from the lobby to our Sunday school class, and my noggin was going. I got to thinking how many people say they don’t go to church because it’s full of hypocrites. I’ve always thought that was a just an easy rather lame way out of going – many people who say that have never even really tried church, so it’s a second hand excuse that sounds good more often than not.

But today I realized that if people believe that being a Christian means you’re morally perfect, then yes, church would be full of hypocrites. In fact, it would be 100% full of hypocrites, if perfection was the measuring stick. I profess that I am a Christian – when I say that what I mean is I believe Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and rose again and ascended into heaven. I put my faith in Him for my eternal life.

It does not mean I think I’m better than anyone else – it does not mean I’m morally superior to anyone else on the planet.

It does means I admit I am a sinner. Still. Today. I am a sinner. I am by no means perfect.

Just ask my pastor, he’ll tell you I curse like a sailor. Sometimes I think I should lay off of it, but then out flies another one almost in the next breath. And sometimes it makes me giggle. I drink – and sometimes I get drunk. I am also a single woman: I crave companionship – my biggest prayer to God is for a mate, but as of yet, He has not brought it. Do you know what that means? It means I’m lonely and I’m 41 years old, and my hormones are screaming bloody murder. I have lust for the flesh, and sometimes that causes me to make poor choices. I make mistakes. Know what else? Every time one of my friends posts a picture of their brand new squishy baby on Facebook, I burn with envy and jealousy. It feels like my soul is being ripped apart. I sweetly type something nice and congratulatory, but inside I’m dying. I suffer from depression – I don’t always lay all my cares on Him; I carry them around in this big suitcase I have. I lose my temper sometimes, and I say things I wish I had not said. I harbor malice and hate toward others sometimes, and Jesus said that that’s the same as murder.

Yes, I go to church – it’s my favorite place to be – surrounded by others who are seeking God’s grace. And I pray. And I praise the God I try so hard to serve. I trust in His love and His grace. I trust that His grace is sufficient for me. Does that make me a hypocrite? If it does, I’m guilty as charged. Give me my hypocrite card, please.