SPOILER ALERT: If you have not watched or read Bridge to
Terabithia, you might want to stop now and do that first, because it is amazing
and reading this will definitely be a spoiler.
Edith has this things about movies – when she finds one she
likes she watches it over and over and over and over again. I swear, she watched
Air Bud 85 times. And of course, Frozen. And Pollyanna. Her granny finally
asked her why she was watching Pollyanna over and over back to back. Edith told
her there was one line she couldn’t understand – so she just kept re-watching
the entire movie! Granny taught her about the rewind function (I guess it’s not
rewind anymore but scene selection, right). Currently this week in this life chapter the film of choice is
Bridge to Terabithia.
Bridge to Terabithia takes me down my memory lane. I had 6th
grade reading class, taught by a wonderful human being named Mr. Peleck, with
my new to be unbeknownst to me best friend Linda Blair. No, her head did not spin around and spew
forth vomit. That I ever saw, anyway. We both got cast as the Chinese girls in
the “Coming to America” play. You know, because I look so Asian and all, as
does she. Or maybe Iowa lacked racial diversity at the time. We became fast
friends, and our very favorite book was Bridge to Terabithia. I kid you not, I have
likely read that book 200 times. We stole every copy from the Marshalltown
Public Library (my statute of limitations is expired, right?).
During the
summers when we camped on Kentucky Lake, we were the youngest and thus never
got kayak rights. But we would set the alarm for 5 am and sneak the kayak out
before anyone else woke up. One of us would sit in the one man kayak properly and
paddle, and the other would sit on the helm and read our novel out loud as the
sun rose over the lake. We made our own land, Zianenia, in the woods on the
other side. I’m telling you, we lived, breathed, and ate this book.
I have not sat with Edith and watched the movie but I keep
catching the same scene over and over.
This is the spoiler part. Mid paragraph. I let you get as far as I could without issuing a second warning. But the time has come. STOP NOW IF
YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN THE MOVIE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP READING RIGHT THIS
INSTANT AND DRIVE TO YOUR NEAREST REDBOX.
Okay, it isn’t my fault if you are stubborn and reading this
anyway. I know who you are.
At the end, after Leslie dies, Jess is pouring out his precious
paints in the stream. An evil creature is racing through the kingdom and Jess
starts running and screaming and crying. His dad – who has been seemingly
distant and not understanding of his artistic, sensitive son throughout the
movie – grabs Jess and won’t let him go. Jess breaks down sobbing while his dad
crushes him in a tight embrace, speaking soothing, reassuring words. Heart
breaking sobs just roll forth from Jess intermingled with self blame and fear. It gets me. Every. Single. Time. Even
the 267th time, apparently.
I was thinking about that yesterday – being curious about
myself. Why does that speak so deeply to me? Why does it make me sob? And I think
of the times I cry – I cry in front of others. Sometimes I get really irritated
at myself because the tears can come so easily. I’m sad? I cry. I’m angry? I
cry. I'm amazed? I cry. I tell you about the best chimichanga I ever had? I cry. I feel like I
have no control over them – I can’t stop them, unless I just don’t speak or don’t
share. Sometimes the tears I shed, if I let them flow, feel like I’m holding
back a tidal wave. Like when I joined this group called Open Hearts. Yiiiiii!!!
I’m afraid if I really let them go all the way, I may never stop. The only
times I truly sob are behind closed doors and alone. The idea of being held
through the sobbing is so appealing and appalling at the same time. A true picture
of intimacy. I don’t know that I could ever let myself go, though, in front of
someone like that. I thought, maybe Jesus will hold me in an embrace one day
like that and I could truly just let it go. But then I realized there won’t be
any tears in heaven, right? So it won’t ever happen I suppose.
This morning I read a devotional. It was on Matthew
10:15-16. “’Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the Kingdom of God
like a little child will never enter it.’ And He took the children in His arms,
put His hands on them and blessed them.” Then the author wrote, “Close your
eyes and picture yourself resting your head on Jesus’ chest. Can you hear His
heart beating with love for you?” You want to talk about blowing me away! I was
just asked to imagine what I had just imagined less than 12 hours before.
Goosebumps.
That got me thinking about the movie again. The verse is
talking about the Kingdom of Heaven, while the children in Bridge to Terabithia
also created their own secret kingdom. And only children could see Terabithia –
only children who believed could experience it.
Last September I was talking to an elder from our church out
at our County Fair after going to the Chamber of Commerce mixer and having a
couple beers (me, not him) (okay maybe one more than a couple). Probably not a super wise idea, but hey, I’m a risk
taker, and they still let me go to church there. So far. Anyway, they were
giving a survey and I wanted to take it. One of the questions was how sure are
you that you are going to go to Heaven when you die? And I told him, you know,
that’s the crux of the whole thing. I don’t understand how anyone can be 100%
sure, yet there are people who are. I envy that. I wish I could be like that.
But I suppose I’m just too analytical. I kind of patted myself a bit on the
back for being too smart to take it all hook, line, and sinker. Like not being
able to be hypnotized. I’ve just got too much going on upstairs for that,
folks.
Edith is 100% sure there is a tooth fairy. Although
yesterday she made a fairy house and left a blackberry out as a test to see if
fairies really exist. She figures if it’s gone when she gets back from Granny’s
then they do indeed exist. Which tells me the doubt is starting to creep in.
But I’m damn sure that berry is going to be gone by Thursday.
The light popped on this morning! THAT is how people get to
be 100% - that’s the only way someone could possibly be 100%. When my BFF and I
read that book, we could *see* Terabithia. When we created Zianenia, we could
see it. In fact, I can still see it now when I remember. It’s still there. Childlike
faith is 100%. That is how they do it. Except the big difference is that Heaven
is for real for real for real for real and it must far surpass anything we can
imagine.
After Leslie died, Jesse couldn’t see Terabithia anymore for
a time. And this happens to us too – we get traumatized or just “seasoned.” My
devotional read, “Some of us may have lost our ability to trust because [of our
family] while others may have lost our ability to trust through circumstances…But
God has revealed time and again that He can help us relearn that childlike
faith if we let Him.”
I think of Edith and her blackberry. Which reminds me of
Gideon and his fleece. I suppose we all look for signs to reaffirm our faith.
But when it’s truly a 100% faith, signs are not necessary. 5 year old Edith did
not need a sign, but 8 year old Edith does. And 40 year old me is just too
smart for smoke and mirrors. Or at least I was yesterday.
Today I’m checking on
that blackberry.
