I don't know how people parented before the invention of the internet or to be more precise, before Google. I mean, any question I have, I type it in the Google tool bar, and whallah! Instant advice and related experiences from parents around the globe. So when Edith first started having a biting issue at around 16 months old, I Googled it. And I have been Googling it ever since. I have tried just about every idea out there, which vary by age - I've tried talking to her, time "alones", taking away TV, telling her I'm disappointed, yelling (when she did it to me).... And will CPS come find me if I admit I've thumped her mouth and bit her back? I did find a few more ideas this week that I may try, but I feel like I'm digressing, so I'm going to rein this back in.
Basically, everything I found in my research on biting stated that Edith's biting, while exasperating to her care givers and parents, was a completely normal phase that many children go through. I continued to address it when it occurred, but I didn't develop too big of an ulcer over it.
When Edith was about 22 months, I showed up to her school (I know, I know, it's daycare, but I like to delude myself), only to find out she had been moved from the 18 to 24 month room to the "younger twos" that very day. I found this out because I went to her classroom to pick her up and she was not there. I was told she had been moved. Now, Edith is incredibly smart, and she'd moved up rooms before she was the proper age every time. So I felt all proud and glowing that once again, I have the smartest child alive, but I was a little peeved no one had told me about the sudden transition. I checked in at the office, at which point the director informed me that she had moved Edith because she had bit a peer that day and the director "had just had it" with her biting. I was caught off guard, and I don't generally react too well when I've been caught off guard. I am one of those that four hours later my brain catches up with my mouth and I kick myself and mumble things like, "I should have said that or that or that!!!!" And then in my imagination I have wonderful converstations where I put the other person humorously and with bravado in their place, and they wish they had never tried to word spar with ME.... Yeah, so when I was informed of this, I just said, "Okay" and went home in a bewildered daze, unsure of what had just transpired.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. Even though the school was closed for the day, I called and left the director a voicemail that I'd like a call back. I didn't sleep much that night, and the next day I was more bothered yet. I came into work at 6:00 as usual. At 8:00 a.m. I told my boss some of what was going on, and he told me to go take care of it. As I was driving up there the director called and I told her never mind, I was on my way to speak to her in person.
By the time I arrived, she had Edith's file out. I told her that if the biting was that big of an issue, I should have been informed of such. Her point was was that we signed bite reports every time it happened, and we should have known it was a problem. (And yes, I do realize I keep switching between being a single parent or a dual parent with my pronouns, but you'll just have to forgive me - there has been some confusion on exactly how many parents there are at any given time.) Anyway, we got into the thick of it as a true argument and of course when I get mad, I cry. It's a family curse. So I'm defending, angry, sniffling, blowing my nose - yeah, the epitomy of the Tough Mom Standing Her Ground. I pointed out several of her reports had nothing to do with biting, and some were of reports where someone had bitten Edith and not the other way around, and all in all, there were not that many biting reports. Usually the easy going parent, I made it clear that if such decisions were being made, I expected notification. After that I got calls about once a day about every little thing that happened! I do bet daycare directors have fascinating stories to share at the evening dinner table - I don't envy them their jobs not one bit!!!!
So time has passed. Edith still bites - she'll be four in two months. But it has slowed down significantly. I'm (ha ha like I'm the one doing it) down to about one biting report a month. There are other reports too - someone threw sand at her, she pushed someone, someone hit her, she pinched someone. I probably have two reports a week on average. 70% of the time Edith is the aggressor, 30% of the time she is the victim. I do have to say, I can't remember the last time someone bit HER, but who would, right? The school policy is that they don't tell either parent who the other party is on any of these incidents. Of course, now we are getting to the age where they will usually tell us themselves, but honestly, I have not been very focused on the WHO with Edith, I've been more focused on the behavior.
So it did not hardly really seriously overly ever cross my naive little mind that my dear, sweet Edith was ALWAYS biting the same person. And who was it of all people but her dear best friend, hereto referred to as Sweet Pea. And who are Seet Pea's parents? You got it - the perfect new best friends I'd picked out special just for me who once loved me and now have been cold to me for months on end. Why had I not seen this? How did this get past me? Well, at least it's not because I smell bad, I guess!
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